so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
