Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
