but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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