Don't make out with my wife yet
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
