We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
