you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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