i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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