I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
