I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
