there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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