Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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