Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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