How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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