its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
