You're my little dorito
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
