I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
