I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
