I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
