Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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