Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
