So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
