So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
