I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
