You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
