i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
