Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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