heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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