It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
