I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
