I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
