Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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