I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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