So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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