and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
