tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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