i just sent this text using only my big toe
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sorry about my life...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
