i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
