i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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