She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
