i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
