Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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