The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
