I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
