so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
