I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
