apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
