I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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