or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
do nipples grow back?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
