I wish my penis had an off switch
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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