Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
