So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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