Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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