Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
