What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
