There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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